It’s important to be respectful of the mourners and their traditions when attending a shiva call. Depending on the situation, it is generally recommended to stay for at least half an hour to 45 minutes; this allows the mourner or multiple mourners to receive comfort and support from well-wishers.
However, if the mourner is uncomfortable or if there are already many visitors present, it is appropriate to leave after a shorter stay. It is important to keep in mind that everyone is adjusting to the grief and the loss in different ways; allowing the mourner to take the lead in regards to the length of stay is important.
It is also appropriate to call ahead of time or check with the family when attending a shiva to make sure there are no changes of plans and that the length of stay is appropriate.
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How long does a shiva service last?
Shiva services usually last anywhere from one to seven days following the passing of an individual. The length of the Shiva may vary depending on cultural and religious customs. Generally speaking, the mourning period is divided into three stages: Shiva, Shloshim, and yud bais chamishim.
The first stage is Shiva, which literally means “seven”, and traditionally lasts seven days. During this time, individuals or families gather in the bereaved’s home and visit for brief periods of time.
It is customary to keep the casket open and mourners may offer their condolences during the service.
Shloshim is the second stage and lasts 30 days. During this stage, friends and family are not as frequent in their visits, but the mourning process continues, including refraining from music, shaving, wearing new clothes, and engaging in leisure activities.
The final stage of mourning, yud bais chamishim, lasts a entire year and is a much more private process. The bereaved refrains from certain activities, such as attending parties or honoring the deceased’s birthday with a celebration.
During this period, it is also customary to return to the cemetery for remembrance on specific days of the year.
The three stages of mourning, Shiva, Shloshim, and yud bais chamishim, are recognized in Orthodox communities as well as Conservative, Reconstructionist, and Reform communities. However, the customs may vary among different denominations.
Are you supposed to bring something to a shiva?
Yes, if you are attending a shiva – the traditional Jewish mourning period – then you should bring an appropriate gift. Food (such as cakes, soup, bagels or challah) or gifts (such as books, flowers or plants) are both appropriate.
Although shiva isn’t a celebration, bringing food will be appreciated as it will mean less work for the mourners to prepare meals for visitors. Bringing flowers or a plant is also a gesture of sympathy and will help to comfort the mourners.
It is also polite to bring a card expressing sympathy for the bereaved family. If you are unsure about what to give, you can always call ahead to ask what would be most helpful.
Do you wear black to a shiva?
A shiva, or a shiva period, is a week-long period of time that is observed as a time of mourning in Judaism. This period of mourning, including the arrival of guests to the home of the deceased, is typically marked by the wearing of non-flamboyant dark clothing by family and guests.
It is generally thought that black, or muted dark colors such as dark grey, navy blue and dark green, are appropriate colors of clothing to wear to a shiva. Other than that, clothing choices should be respectful and uncontroversial.
Some families may have their own specific guidelines or requests for what should be worn. For example, if the deceased has indicated that guests should not wear black, that should be followed. In addition, head coverings may be worn, either a traditional yarmulke or some other non-religious head-covering, as a sign of respect and solemnity during the mourning period.
What is the etiquette for attending a shiva?
This is an important question that should be addressed before attending a Shiva. Shiva is a Jewish mourning ritual which is traditionally a seven-day period of mourning for the deceased. During this time, the mourners stay at home and receive visitors who come to offer condolences.
When attending a Shiva, it is important to be respectful and to follow the proper etiquette. Here are some guidelines for attending a Shiva:
1. Show Respect: Dress respectfully, speak in hushed tones, and be extra mindful of how you are interacting in the home of the mourners.
2. Be On Time: If you are attending a Shiva gathering or meal, try to be no more than 15 minutes late.
3. Bring a Gift: It is customary to bring a food item, such as a side dish, desserts, or snacks.
4. Spend Time With The Family: Offer sympathy and kind words, and spend some time talking with the family.
5. Avoid Small Talk: Avoid talking about trivial things or asking questions about the deceased.
6. Tell a Story: If you knew the deceased, you may consider sharing a moment that you shared together.
7. Don’t Stay Too Long: Offer your condolences and help in whatever way you can, but don’t overstay your welcome.
These are just some of the important guidelines to follow when attending a Shiva. It is important to be respectful and mindful of the mourners and their feelings during this difficult time.
What do guests do at a shiva?
At a shiva, mourners generally gather in a home to observe the traditional seven-day period of mourning for a person who has passed away. Traditionally, relatives and close friends of the deceased gather to the home and mourn together.
It is customary for mourners to offer condolences to the immediate family of the deceased. They bring food or financial contributions to help the family and contribute to the shiva expenses. At the shiva, people discuss the life of the deceased and exchange reminiscences and stories.
Periodically, visitors come to the house to comfort the mourning family. These visitors sit down among the shiva mourners who are often sitting on chairs and low stools arranged in a semi-circle. Visitors to the shiva offer their condolences, pray, read from the Bible and sit quietly with the family members who are reciting psalms for the soul of the departed.
On the last day of shiva, the family resumes its regular activities, such as returning to work or school. This day is an essential part of the mourning process and symbolizes the acceptance of the person’s death and the understanding that life will eventually resume its normal flow.
Can you drink alcohol during shiva?
No, drinking alcohol is generally not permitted during shiva, which is a seven-day mourning period observed by Jewish people following the death of a relative. Shiva is a time of reflective mourning, and so drinking and other forms of dissipating activities are discouraged.
Additionally, further prohibitions may be put in place in certain communities considering alcohol consumption a particularly inappropriate act of mourning. The purpose of shiva is to follow the command of “affliction of the soul,” and drinking alcohol would be antithetical to that, which is why it is recommended to adhere to the general rule of not drinking alcohol during this period.
What time of day does shiva end?
The exact time that Shiva ends varies depending on the type of observance. Generally, on the seventh day of observance, the Shiva period ends either when the mourner completes the traditional morning service or when the sun sets, whichever comes first.
For some Jewish communities, the observance is complete following the morning service but the mourners will usually remain at Shiva until the sun sets in respect of the deceased. This is typically the Jewish tradition in Reform and Conservative circles, with Orthodox Jews tending to complete the mourning upon sunrise of the seventh day.
For others, the Shiva period may end with candle lighting of the Shabbat candles shortly before sunset of the seventh day.
Ultimately, Shiva ends when the mourner is ready to take the first steps to rebuild their life and bring closure to the mourning period. This is typically marked by the mourner attending a synagogue and hearing the shofar sound, traditionally signaling a time of renewal and a marking of the end of mourning.
How do you worship Lord Shiva daily?
Worshipping Lord Shiva daily can be done in many different ways. One way to worship Shiva is through japa or chanting. Japa is where an individual chants specific mantras, words and phrases repeatedly, most often while seated in a meditative pose.
Additionally, Shiva devotees can perform puja (a type of offering or act of worship to an external deity or entity) by decorating Shiva’s shrine and offering flowers, water, kumkum (vermillion or sacred red powder), incense, and/or clothes.
Other ways to worship Shiva include fasting, meditation, and shared prayers. Additionally, studying the Hindu scriptures, such as the Vedas, Upanishads, or the Bhagavad Gita, can be beneficial for understanding the spiritual understanding of Lord Shiva.
Devotees can also chant specific Shiva devotional songs or bhajans, and attend Shiva temples to get closer to their faith. No matter how you worship, Lord Shiva can be reached through sincere devotion and an open heart.
How do shiva pooja daily?
The “pooja” or worship of Lord Shiva typically includes chanting of mantras, ringing of bells, burning incense and offering of flowers, fruits and sweets to the deity. Depending on the cultural context and individual tradition, there may also be a specific procedure or order of activities that are followed in the pooja.
Generally, the pooja starts with the lighting of the diya and reciting a shloka or stotra. Devotees then offer flowers to Lord Shiva, with special flowers such as Bel (wood apple) being considered auspicious.
Bel leaves, chandan, and akwan (swastika) can also be offered. Mantras such as the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra and the Shiva Panchakshara are usually chanted by the devotee and in some cases a priest may also be present.
After offering flowers, prasad (sacred offering) such as chandan, kumkum, and sesame seeds may be offered. After these offerings, the devotee may perform aarti (offering of light) and prostrate before the deity.
Finally, the pooja ends with a fervent prayer known as mangalashtak, which is also known as namaskar.
How many hours a day do you sit Shiva?
Traditionally according to Jewish Law, the time observed for sitting Shiva is from sundown after the burial until sundown of the seventh day. During this time period, mourners typically sit with family and friends during the daytime hours, or at least for certain sections of the day.
During the night, however, it is customary for families to be alone in their homes.
For the seven days of Shiva, mourners typically sit in sorrow and mourning for at least part of each day, and different religious communities observe different times. The exact amount of time spent sitting Shiva will depend on the individual family and how they are observing the tradition.
Generally, 8-12 hours per day is considered to be the amount of time observed by most families, but this can vary. Some families sit Shiva for longer while others choose a much shorter amount of time in memory of their loved one.
What happens after sitting shiva?
After sitting shiva, the seven-day mourning period is over. Depending on the customs and beliefs of their faith, mourners may need to perform a ritual or ceremony to mark the completion of shiva. This may include gathering with family to recite prayers and release a symbolic item into the water such as a stone or burning a book of memorial prayers.
It can also be a time for family and friends to gather in one place for a meal or activity to help shift focus away from the grief and sadness.
At the end of shiva, mourners are encouraged to offer their appreciation to the friends and family that supported them during the shiva period. It is also important to remember to allow yourself to grieve and accept the sadness during this time.
After shiva, you may feel more ready to start processing your feelings and attending to your day-to-day activities, but always remember to take care of yourself and understand it will take time to heal.
Can you take food out of a shiva house?
It is generally not appropriate to take food out of a shiva house. During Shiva, mourners come to observe the traditional seven-day period of mourning connected to the Jewish belief of the soul’s seven stages of grief.
Part of observing Shiva is to provide a supportive environment for those who are grieving and creating a “shiva call” or gathering at the shiva house is a common practice.
While many families will have snacks available for comforting mourners, it is important to respect the space by ensuring that food is allowed to stay within the shiva house. It is also expected that mourners will bring food to the shiva house to help the family in their time of sorrow.
If more food is brought than can be consumed, it is customary to send food home with guests as a token of comfort.
