Avoidants become anxious when they are faced with the idea of being close to another person or forming an intimate relationship. They tend to be uncomfortable with the idea of having to rely on another person, as well as having to commit to and invest in the relationship.
This can make them anxious as they are constantly trying to manage their strong need for independence, while also being aware of their vulnerabilities and the potential of being hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Avoidance can also lead to a fear of personal judgement, of making a mistake, or of not being liked or accepted, all of which can trigger anxieties. In some cases, Avoidants may even become anxious about the mere idea of forming a connection with another person.
Table of Contents
Why avoidants are attracted to anxious?
Avoidants are often attracted to anxious people due to a phenomenon known as ‘traumatic bonding. ‘ This is a form of bonding in which trauma causes an intense emotional connection between two people.
While it is not a healthy relationship, it can be difficult for the avoidant to break away. Anxious people often seem to provide a sense of security and stability to the avoidant. Additionally, the avoidant often has a desire to protect the anxious person and make them feel safe.
On the flip side, the anxious person would view the avoidant as a source of safety and someone to depend on. Anxious people may also be drawn to the avoidant’s independence, which contrasts well with their dependency.
Ultimately, the combination of these two factors can be emotionally addictive, even if the relationship is unhealthy.
What do avoidants find attractive?
Those with an avoidant personality type might not be very open about what they find attractive. However, research into the foundations of their attraction suggest that they might be more likely to be attracted to someone who is independent, confident, ambitious, and secure in themselves.
People with an avoidant personality type may be drawn to those who have a strong sense of self and don’t “need” them. Avoidants are looking for someone to make them feel safe, but they don’t want to be obligated to them in any way.
They often find it attractive when someone is strong and independent, but also kind and understanding. Additionally, avoidants may be drawn to someone who has a similar outlook on life. They enjoy being with someone they can understand and can relate to on many levels.
Generally, avoidants are looking for someone who can tolerate their need for space and independence and still be a respectful, loyal partner for them.
What is an Avoidants biggest fear?
An avoidant’s biggest fear is often feeling misunderstood and disconnected from other people. They worry about being judged and rejected and are afraid of being hurt or put down. They fear not being able to express their true selves or having their true needs met and of being alone, even if surrounded by people.
Avoidants strive for control in relationships, hoping that it will protect them, and fear the loss of that control. Generally, avoidants fear any kind of vulnerability – because it leaves them open and exposed to potential pain.
All of this means that avoidants must cope with constant, internal tension between the desire for closeness and the fear of closeness.
How do you make Avoidants feel better?
Making Avoidants feel better starts by understanding that they often have an innate fear of being judged or rejected by others. It is important to make them feel at ease by providing a safe and comforting environment.
Communication is key – letting them know that they can trust you and that what they say is valued. Avoiding pressuring them, creating a non-threatening atmosphere and showing them that you understand will help them open up and feel more relaxed.
Recognizing that it isn’t easy for them to express their emotions will make them more comfortable in getting to know you and in opening up. Low stress activities may help them feel more at ease, such as going for a walk, watching a movie, playing a game, or reading a book together – anything that will allow them to keep feelings of vulnerability in check while showing that they are appreciated regardless of any uncomfortable situations.
Patience and empathy are essential – understanding that it may take time before they feel truly comfortable and let their guard down. Showing them that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them and that you won’t judge them no matter how much difficulty they may have in expressing their emotions will help them feel better.
Allow them to take their time in getting to know you and let them reveal more about themselves in their own time.
How do you fix an avoidant anxious relationship?
Fixing an avoidant anxious relationship can involve both partners working to change their patterns of behaviour and creating an environment of trust and security. The anxious partner needs to be patient and validate their partner’s feelings and seek reassurance.
The avoidant partner needs to be open to responding, showing interest and empathy and working to build a secure bond that promotes growth and safety.
It is important to focus on communication, being vulnerable and honest. Both partners can take the time to understand each other’s emotions, needs, and triggers. It’s important to create a safe space, a place where both can be honest and open about their feelings, needs and concerns.
Talking about their worries and addressing issues in an understanding and constructive way.
The couples need to slow down and emphasize the small moments,by prioritizing connection and intimacy and learning how to show love and affection. Working on increasing trust and security, expressing feelings without fear of judgement, as well as developing better communication.
Additionally, couples may benefit from attending couples therapy or couples classes, which can help them identify patterns that are damaging the relationship, learn positive coping-skills and self-regulation strategies to manage the strong emotions that would normally ignite the anxious-avoidant dynamic.
What to do when an avoidant pushes you away?
When an avoidant pushes you away, it can be really hurtful and difficult to handle. It is important to remember that it’s not a personal rejection. Avoidants often find it very difficult to open up and make connections.
They may have difficulty trusting and connecting with people, and this can lead to them pushing people away in order to protect themselves from getting hurt.
It is important to remember that an avoidant will often try to distance themselves from relationships when they get too close, as this is a way for them to protect themselves from getting hurt or overwhelmed.
The best way to handle this situation is to respect their need for space and to stay patient. It is important to remember that this doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they don’t want a relationship.
It just means they need some time and space to figure out how to trust and open up.
It can be helpful to be understanding, patient and non-judgmental. Showing acceptance and understanding can help an Avoidant to feel more secure and allow them to open up in their own time frame. It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to value yourself and to set boundaries.
An Avoidant may not be willing to open up or commit, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up your hopes, dreams and desires.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that although it’s difficult, it is possible to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with an avoidant person. Understanding their needs and giving them the space and time to open up can be incredibly rewarding and satisfying.
Showing empathy and compassion can help to build trust and connection, and this can lead to a healthier and happier relationship.
Do Avoidants want you to chase them?
No, avoidants tend to be fearful of both closeness and distance. They strive to be independent and avoid attachment, so they may not actually want you to chase them. Avoidants don’t want to feel controlled or smothered by someone and may push you away if you are too pushy or try to “win” their affection.
You may think that avoidants want the thrill of being chased, but often times they may actually be avoiding the situation because of fear. It’s important to understand this and respect their boundaries.
If an avoidant wants someone to chase them, it’s likely because they have began to feel more comfortable being around the person and doesn’t feel like they are being pressured. Ultimately, the best way to find out if and when an avoidant does want to be chased is to get to know them better and pay attention to the cues they are giving off.
What type of person is a avoidant attracted to?
An avoidant is typically attracted to people who possess qualities that they do not have: a sense of comfort with closeness and intimacy, a desire to open up, and a reciprocal level of commitment. They tend to be attracted to the stability and the ability to form a secure connection with someone who is not easily fearful or disconnected, and who doesn’t have issues with boundaries and self-esteem.
They often look for someone who is independent and strong yet still open and warm. A person who prioritizes communication, is reliable, and can be trusted can provide a safe environment to explore the relationship further.
The ideal partner of an avoidant would also respect their need for freedom, independence, and autonomy and not push them to move faster than they are comfortable with.
Why anxious and avoidant partners find it hard to leave one another?
Anxious and avoidant partners have difficulty leaving one another due to their attachment styles. Attachment styles are patterns of behavior that develop when we have our basic needs met in a particular way as infants.
Anxious individuals often have a preoccupation with their relationships, depend heavily on others for validation, and are always wondering if their partner truly loves them. On the other hand, avoidant individuals often suppress their feelings, show a need for a greater degree of independence, and are hesitant to rely on others for emotional support.
When anxious and avoidant partners come together, the relationship can be quite tumultuous, often showing feelings of fear, preoccupation, and uncertainty. Anxious individuals may become increasingly clingy and need constant assurance from their partner, while avoidant individuals may push them away due to their fear of getting too close.
As the cycle goes on, their respective attachment styles can become more entrenched, making it that much harder to break out of it. Many people find that they are stuck in an unhealthy pattern no matter how hard they try to find a way out.
This is why anxious and avoidant partners often have difficulty leaving one another.
How do dismissive Avoidants deal with stress?
Dismissive Avoidants tend to cope with stress by avoiding it whenever they can. This often takes the form of avoidance strategies, such as procrastination or distracting themselves with other activities.
They may also withdraw from social situations, which allows them to avoid dealing with the stress. Dismissive Avoidants don’t like to appear vulnerable and may even deny it when they are stressed or overwhelmed, instead increasing the level of action they take in order to prevent it or appear as though it’s not affecting them.
They may also try to isolate themselves by ignoring the thoughts or feelings associated with their stress, or minimizing them and pushing them away in order to focus on more positive or enjoyable things.
When dismissive Avoidants cannot avoid the stress altogether, they may focus on activities that allows them to be in control and have some level of mastery over the situation, such as decision-making, so that they have a sense of predictability and safety.
